I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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