I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
