i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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