hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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