Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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