My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
