Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
