So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
