I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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