Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
