y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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