I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
