Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
