God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
