I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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