my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
