It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize