She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
