the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
