last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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