I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
