I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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