and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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