If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
