I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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