Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
