you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
