I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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