how can u be prego again
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
