you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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