I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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