girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
