Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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