he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
