just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
