The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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