I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
