Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
