its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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