i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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