Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
