My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
