sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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