went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
