I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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