Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
