I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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