On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
