also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
