I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
