I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
