I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
