Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
