K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
