Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize