the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
