Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
