I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
