I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
