I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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