im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
