You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ass is underappreciated
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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