Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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