I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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