Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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