she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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