am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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