just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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