Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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