my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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