watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
