i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
