I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
