I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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